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Monster Music Awards 2004
The Shut The Fuck Up Award
The Zutons    Eminem    Fat Boy Slim    Goldie Lookin Chain    McFly    Duran Duran
The Zutons
The Zutons - Who Killed the Zutons
Eminem - Encore
Fat boy Slim - Palookaville
Goldie Lookin Chain - Greatest Hits
McFly - Room on the 3rd Third Floor
Duran Duran - Astronaut

You know what, when it came down to it, this was far to easy. The Zutons. Please I don't get it. Why does everyone love them. Original, possibly, excellent, no chance, annoying, YES. I am of course the only person on the planet who thinks this, I know this, but come on. I have even been reading how most people think this is the album of the year. Your having a laugh, you really think this was the best thing to come out in the last 12 months. Honestly. I give up. People have honestly not heard anything better in the last year. I had the misfortune to be on a train this year surrounded by a bunch of students who had just been to a gig. I forget who the main act was, but I know it was a big name, but all these students could talk about was how The Zutons stole the show. It was all I could do to keep my thoughts to myself, especially when one of them remarked how they would be bigger than Nirvana. People of the world beware, this is our future music buying public. But back to the actual band. I just find them so annoying to listen to. Their music is just so bland, it's nothing special, it's just a bit different. In a year full of some awesome releases, I am just shocked that people think this is a stand out album. It's all about taste sure, but is this really what people want? Sigh.

The rest pretty much speak for themselves. I have never been a fan of Eminem as most readers of my site will know, but surly now it's got to the stage where he has run is course. He can no longer shock, and the only way he can is to make videos where he pretends to be Michael Jackson. It's an easy target and not one with any message about it. He has attacked most of the people in music and it's very boring now. He never had anything good to say to start with, and he sure as hell hasn't now. An artist who's only talent is to write and write and write songs about how his life is shite really never had a thing to say in the first place. Just ask Alanis Morissette. Fat Boy Slim continued with his second rate rip off dance music. But the good news is with each release, he is getting less and less coverage. Anyone in the business with half a brain can sample and release a track, somehow Fat Boy Slim has made big money out of it. And if anyone has ever had the misfortune to hear one of his so called legendary DJ set's you will also know he isn't even closely in touch with Dance music full stop. I suggest you go back to Japan and play your set's mate, they seriously do listen to anything pop-tastic. But while the kids of this country continue to listen to his stuff thinking it's ground breaking dance music...he will continue to stay here.Goldie Lookin Chain, is there really that much I can say about them? Yes I get the joke, yes I know what they are all about...but boy are they shite at it. You've made your point lads, now call it a day. The idea of the joke was funny, but the punchline was crap. End of. Now back to McDonalds and see if you can earn those last few stars. Ohhh how cruel am I. And so we have McFly. "but they play their own guitars", so what. Does no one see the damage this new kind of band is doing? Who am I the music police???? Well if it means speaking out YES. Of course they cater for a market, they do at least play their own music, whether they really write it or not I beg to differ, but bands like this are making the future music generation think this is Indie music. Over reaction? Well simply look at what happened to Dance Music from 1994 onwards when bands like this came along in the Dance scene. I thank you. "Oh live and let live ginge". Get stuffed. It would be too much of a boring read if every page on these awards was serious. But I do wish McFly would fuck off. Leaving us with Duran Duran. Some bands were meant to come back, some bands were always going to stand the test of time, and some bands belong totally in the era they were born in. Duran Duran are exactly that. Can anyone out there even name one of their singles from the last year? That is how much of an impact they made. I have heard this album, so this isn't just an attack for the sake of it. And it sounds, well, it's not even average background music. I don't have anything nasty to say about it, but I can't for the life of me remember any of it. It was so bland, so nothing. So adding them to this list is more a plea for them to stop trying to come back with music that they can't make. Your time was in the 80's lads, don't ruin it. Did your laughable performance at The Brits not tell you anything.

And so ends this award. The one that always causes the most feedback and abuse. But there you have it. As I am always told, it's about opinion.....and this is mine.

And I am of course right.