TheGinge.Com Readers
How the hell do you know me?

It's an odd story actually. I was trolling the web leaving disturbing message in countless forums and guestbooks, shamelessly trying to promote the finest website on this side of the Atlantic, when I came across TheGinge.Com. I was amased as everyone else that visits, and over the course of a couple of Emails, Andy finally agreed to an interview on www.illitpress.com. He stillto this day says it was the greatest experience of his life.

Your about to go down for one hell of a crime, the only way out is to play the insanity card. How are you going to prove you are insane?

The one armed man has already be blamed. so I'd have to go with another angle. After the crime had been commited, I shall do what any average North American would do, I would head for Disneyworld. I realise that after stealing such a vast amount of money, my capture is imminent but I aint going out like that. They will know the name JMW. It will be written distinctly on the wall at the criminal hall of fame. I shall make Mickey and his troop of pathetic show acts suffer.All the while pillaging the booth there dedicated to France. I truley wanted to know what French Fries tasted like. Do you think the authorities will believe me when I say Daisy Duck is the hottest piece of feather ass around? Trust me, when I'm done they will have no choice but to believe me. You think Goofy looks goofy now, wait unti I stick a broomstick up his rectum, and laugh at his contored look. Those peruvian tourists won't know what hit them whe I formally force them to adopt into their tribe, or whatever the hell they call families down there. Am I filled with insanity? Hell nobut I play a guy that is one TV

Favourie Ginge.Com feature.

Hands down, it's The Common Sense Guide.
KFC is classic. I only hope they continue updating that feature with tenaciuos energy. I myself have a couple of ideas for that particular feature.

Your fool proof, never fail, 100% banker, get your coat luv, hope you like water beds chat up line.

Okay it's not that original but for some reason it's worked in the past, so I've been running on it. You've got a hootie exactly where you want them, then you bring out the heavy artillery. You turn to her and say "How do you expect me to love you baby, if you won't lie down".
Now she's either going to laugh in your face and grab you in the yougart thrower, or she is going to walk away. Either way it's good times. 

One uninteresting fact about yourself.

I have a third nipple on my buttock that speaks Spanish. It had a guest spot on Sesame Street one time, surprised you didn't see it.

Biggest mistake made while drunk?

I am definitely not the cat to ask this question to. I am a straight laced, wholesome Canadian boy who does nothing but watches Ice Hockey and wears a toque. Ask RazZ, the other half of www.illitpress.com and he will tell you about the timehe fell off the roof of a building and subsequently punched a good friend in the chops on his birthday.

Being based, as you are, in Niagara Falls,did you witness Superman saving that little brat who fell overthe side of the cliff after pissing about on the railings. In fact did the parents show a total lack of control over that brat and should Superman have actually just left the kid to whatever fate in order to have taught a lesson to all parties involved?

Okay believe me when I say that I've neevr shared the story I am about to share with you today. That fateful day I found myself staring mystically into the waters of Niagara, when some little punk assed kid decided to mouth of about my mother. Well quite frankly, I wasn't going to take it from him anymore. He needed to learn the lesson that no one talks about my mother in such a manner. You've all seen the movie, and you know the peril I put his life in. Bear in mind that I didn't want to kill off that little prick, just scare him to his wits end. However as you are all aware, that fairy in the cape and tights came to save the day. But ultimately, JMW had the last laugh. Look who's in the wheelchair.

JMW
AKA Jesse Welton

WebSite: www.illitpress.com