|Number One Pikey Avenue
Resident: Jay K
|Pikey Percentage: 95%
Pikey Features: Stupid Hat, Patchy Facial Hair, Long Greasy Hair.
Resident on the Island: All his life.
Added info: Jay K owns more stray dogs than anyone else on the Island.
|So we come to our first house on the tour of the Island. Be very careful when walking around outside. As you can see the house is of pure Pikey standard. And this one is owned by Jay K. He's been here longer than I care to remember. In the days when he was seeing that Van Outen bird, we had to ban him from bringing her back here to stay. She was far to classy to stay here, and that is saying something. But my dear tourists, it makes you wonder. how the hell he managed to pull such a bird. Or indeed how he manages to make the ladies think he is a sexy bit of rough. If they could smell the stench round here right now I think they would change their minds a bit sharpish.|
|And if the smell don't get rid of them, his records will. Somehow this soap dodger has brainwashed people into thinking that his music is funky and cool. Well if they could see what we see here on the Island when he is making these records they might change their minds. The rest of the band have to have rabies jabs before they come into the Island to record. Old Jay K has so many stray dogs hanging around his house, you just never know when you are going to get biten next. We here on the Island think that they hang a round cause of all the dead cats he has. He kills them for their skin you see, to make those stupid hats.|
|Sorry Mr Holland, don't s'pose you could spare any change could ya?|
|Yes Madam that is illegal, but let's face it, what policeman in his right mind is going to come onto this Island and arrest him.
Now you may have noticed that none of Jay K's famous collection of fast cars seem to be here. Well that is because none of them were his to start with. All those cars you see in his video's were all stolen. Didn''t you think it was a bit odd that he didn't seem to give a toss what happened to them. No the only car he owns is that burnt out Ford Princess round the side there.
|Actually to be honest we think the car was there long before he moved in. But you know these Pikey's never in a hurry to clear up. As you can tell from all those empty cans of Special Brew all over the front garden.
Well we have 5 minutes before we have to set off to our next stop on the Island, so if any of you want to take some photo's before we leave, I suggest you make sure you are fast runners. Jay K is well known for his bad temper and he does not like people
|nosing round his shack. we have lost people on this tour before due to violent attacks from Jay K. Two women were also captured and made to live with him as his wives. Unfortunatly with the amount of dogs round the house no one has been able to get near it to try and save them. In fact I think it would be best if we all just got back on the bus and headed off to our next house.|