|Number One Soap Dodger St
Resident: Russell Crowe
|Pikey Percentage: 90%
Pikey Features: Unwahsed Hair, Hidden tattoo of a caravan on upper leg, Smells of moth balls.
Resident on the Island: 4 Years
Added info: Crowe was brought to the Island by his family when the final straw was Crowe boarding up their windows with sheets of coragated metal.
|A new street and a new house. Ladies and Gentlemen we are now well in land of this Island from hell so please, do keep close to me and the tour bus. If you were to disappear now we would never find you, or want to even hunt around this god forsaken place in fear for our own lives.
So we come to Number One of this street, and the house of none other than Russell Crowe. Again a shock to some of you I know. But like Pitt he has kept this very quiet. Another shock maybe that he lives here with his lover, ok maybe that is not so much a shock but when I tell you that it is Sky Sports Premiership presenter Richard Keys, yeah I thought that would shock you. Richard is not a Pikey but lives here for the love of his man. And I think that is something quite beautiful.
|But Ladies and gentlemen please do not let that touch of love fool you. Keys has no control over Crowe's famous temper and there is nothing that get's him going more than people walking around his house, so again please be careful. I once lost one tourist here and rumours have it that they can be heard screaming late at nights while Crowe and Keys use them as a washer board for their underwear.
As you can see from your factfile, Crowe was brought here by members of his family. The story goes that Crowe had been turning Pikey for some time, but once he started to board up the windows they had, had enough. They sudated him and using only a row boat sailed over here from Australia and booked him in.
|Crowe and lover Keys|
|Their family name has since been changed to Jones and they now live in Wales constantly in fear of being found by Crowe. Still a bit miffed as to why he is here Crowe is known the Island over for not getting on with the other Pikeys, where there is no doubting his residence here, this is somewhat odd for a Pikey as they tend to stick together. But Crowe has formed a gang to protect his standing here. They are well known for doing whatever it takes to get results and recently even went as far as to let the tires down on Jay K's cars.|
|Crowe and his gang confront tourists on his land|
|You will also note the collection of intertesting bushes and their berries that surround his house. Well be warned that they are poisionous and were planted there after Crowe was woken up to the sound of birds singing one morning after he had a skinful, hungover and in pain Crowe snapped and planted the bushes in hope that the birds would eat them and die. Within 6 months the Island was totally free from any type of bird. But with no bodies ever found some residents find the fact that Crowe has done no shopping since yet always seems to eat well more than a coinsidence. The feathered Curtains also raise the arguement that Crowe could be behind the sudden disappearence of our winged friends.|
|Well I fear that we are now maybe pushing our luck in hanging around here as long as we have. I am sure I just saw a rather angry Richard Keys look out of the bedroom window. It will not be long before Crowe, who no doubt is laying back out of breath on the bed after a long and tiring love making session, will be informed of our presence. So please can we all get back to the coach now. No please do not call up to him, that would not be a good idea Miss, and I really don't think flashing your chest at him would calm him down either. Just remember the washboard story, yes I thought that might get you back on the bus. Ok Ladies and Gentlemen on to House Number Two on this leg of the tour.|