|Number Two Soap Dodger St
Resident: Kathy Burke
|Pikey Percentage: 83%
Pikey Features: Fag in mouth, Bloke's hair cut and the voice of a male market trader.
Resident on the Island: 10 Years
Added info: Burke has a very hidden secret, her natural look is that in fact of Waynetta Slob. Her so called normal look takes hours in make up.
|Well Ladies and Gentlemen, we come to one of the bigger houses on this tour.
It belongs to Miss Kathy Burke. I am sure none of you are suprised to find out she lives here on the Island. But there are a few things I am sure you will be suprised to find out about her. First off I would like to warn you of a few things, as you may have noticed, there is no front door on her house, please do not stray in. Although she is harmless enough you may find that you come back out again covered in fag ash. The other reason is because unknown to most people, Burke's natural look is in fact that of Waynetta Slob. As a result of this people have been known to have got to close to here while on this tour and complained of sores on their faces suddenly appearing. So please do be careful and do not enter the house.
|Going back to the mention of fag ash, you will notice that the roof on the house is completly re-tiled with empty fag packets. In total it is recorded that 10,000 were used in the end. It took Burke just one week to empty these packets and smoke the lot. Many believe this could well be the reason behind her rather male sounding voice. Other's just believe it's because she is a Pikey.
One thing is for sure, not much research was needed for when she played the part of Perry in Harry Enfields film.
|Another part she is famous for is the foul mouthed Ginger haired bird in "Gimme Gimme Gimme". It has been said that Burke was type cast but if any of you are brave enough to enter the house, you will soon find out that it was in fact an amazing bit of acting from Burke to act that upper class.
You will also notice that to the left of the house is a hut that is set up like a shop. This is the famous Burke "Bring and Buy" sale. Famous because there is nothing actually on sale here.
|This was in fact a ploy by Burke to never have to buy a single item of clothing ever again. People bring their unwanted clothes here but are turned away when they try to buy anything back. She does in fact use this hut as her dressing room. You will notice that there are men's clothes as well as women's. Althought it is not known for sure if she is a cross dressing freak or not, it does add to the myth that she used to be a man.|
|We also have the chance at this stop to dispose of any empty bottles any of you might now have. Burke has put up a little bottle bank on the side of her house. But before you all think this is her doing her bit for the Green Party or something, it is nothing more than Burke collecting these bottles so she can take the empties back and get 10p for each one. But it saves the bus bin from getting to full so please feel free to use it.|
|And once you have done that if we could all jump back into the bus so we can head off to our next house. I think I heard a rather chesty cough coming from her bedroom, and if we stay here any longer she will have us all take part in a Cockney Knee's Up. Not an unpleasant thing I know but last time I was very ill. I am not 100% sure if the Jellied Eels were what they were supposed to be.|