Three Pikey Avenue
Resident: Brad Pitt
Pikey Features: Unwashed look, Big gormless eyes, never shaves.
Resident on the Island: 9 Years
Added info: Pitt is a self confessed soap dodger but hides this fact from women by telling them he is practising for a film role.
ladies and gentlemen we come to the end of the avenue, and to Mr Brad Pitt's
house. Yes Ladies Mr Pitt, didn't you know he was a Pikey? Well I'm sorry
to spoil the illusion but this man is one of the biggest on this damed Island.
Now contray to reports Pitt does in fact live here alone. All that getting married was one of those Hollywood stunts. The trouble was that Pitt was starting to earn a reputation of being a bit of a skunk, so his people arranged for him to be seen to be marrying one of the Hollywood beauties to improve is image.
Now as you may or may not have noticed Pitt does tend to play a lot of roles that see him dressed as a bit of a Pikey and usually unshaven as well. This is infact possibly the best example of type casting you are ever likely to see. Because in fact Pitt loves nothing more than to walk around in a pair of old track bottoms, usually with a hole in the knee and an old 70's striped shirt.
fact this is not the only similarity between Pitt's real life and the roles
he plays in the films. Oh No. Now you have all seen Fight Club. Well Pitt
is the Islands bare knuckle champion. Mind you he was the only one who entered.
Another little secret you may not know, and one I should proberly not tell you, but Pitt uses a speach double for all his films. It's a well known fact on the Island that Pitt can not talk a word of sense due to the fact that he was raised by wild goats when he was just a young boy after his parents left him in a kids adventure park. But please, you didn't hear that from me OK, or I will be finished with these tours.
|Unlike the other houses on this tour, please feel free to walk about the front garden and take pictures. Pitt likes to sleep in and never usually gets up until the later hours. Some say he took his roll in "Interview with the Vampire" to seriously and now he thinks he is a real Vampire. You may notice the blood on the door step. Most proberly from one of the females on yesterdays tour. None of you are Virgins are you? Ah well I suggest you stay on the Bus then Miss. Yes I know it's harsh but it's not your job on the line if you get biten is it.|
|Now before we leave, have a look round the back. No not you miss I told you to stay on the bus. There you will find the biggest Heather collection anywhere else on this Island. Pitt does in fact sell it in the gift shop, so you can get hold|
|of some then. But be warned that if you do buy some, you may be asked to sign a contract argeeing to sell the lucky heather in your town for up to 10 years. We have had a few court cases so be careful, Pitt doesn't like to loose.|
|Stand Up Comedian|