One on One with Man of Stress for Mixmag

MM: Three years with DCA, a failed attempt at a solo career, a bit part in The Bill as "mugger two", a move to Thiland, fame and fortune on the cabaret scene, the biggest selling male solo artist in the country, fans everywhere, and now part of the DCA comeback. It's been one hell of a ride.
Chris: You can say that again.
MM: Has it been fun?
Chris: Life is for living, it can't all be good can it.
MM: No I suppose not, but has it all been worthwhile so far?
Chris: I wouldn't change a thing.
MM: Not even playing "mugger two" in The Bill?
Chris: Have you ever stared on The Bill.
MM: Good point.
Chris: It's something I can look back on and say "I did that".
MM: Err Yeah I suppose.
Chris: Something I can be proud of.
MM: Quite.
Chris: Something that can go on my CV of life.
MM: Yeah but...
Chris: It's something I can show the grandkids and say "look Grandad was a TV star"
MM: Hold on.....
Chris: I got no awards but I was a star of The Bill.
MM: Don't take the piss mate, you didn't even have a line to say.
Chris: (falls silent)
MM: Now I would like to talk about your time in Thiland for a bit as I think it's quite a good success story.
Chris: Sure, some of the most amazing times of my life.
MM: You were quite a success over there.
Chris: Indeed I was, best selling male solo artist no less.
MM: Was that as a result of you being in DCA before hand?
Chris: No they had never heard of the band when I started there, and as far as I know they still don't really know about them now.
MM: So it was all purly on just your own material then?
Chris: Yeah I guess they all just went for it.
MM: And it was all just your own material?
Chris: Sure was.
MM: Hmm cause one of my mates went out there with The Sun paper when they came looking for you and he said he saw one of your shows and it was all mainly DCA numbers.
Chris: Wasn't me, he must have seen someone else.
MM: Well it was the show where people from The Sun spoke to you right after.
Chris: Oh that one, well yeah I did those because I got a tip off that they were coming didn't I. Was kind of for them if you like.
MM: But when they spoke to the locals they said that was pretty much your usual set.
Chris: Can't have spoken to any of the usual audience then.
MM: Well they seemed to know what they were on about.
Chris: Look where is this going?
MM: Not only that one of them even gave us a copy of one of your albums you released out there.
Chris: So?
MM: It was identical to "Hitting Where It Hurts".
Chris: ....................
MM: So we did some research and it looks like your two other albums are just like two other DCA albums we could mention.
Chris: Should I have my lawyer in here with me?
MM: Do you have one?
Chris: No.
MM: So is there anything else we should know about? No tales of Ladyboy lust?
Chris: I really think I should find a lawyer.
MM: So there is?
Chris: No Comment.
MM: If you don't tell us, the press will only print it.
Chris: I don't want to be here anymore.
MM: Ok, ok. let's focus on something else. In 1991 you were in the press quite a lot after your failed relationship with TV Cake Eater Jo Brand.
Chris: It didn't fail
MM: Well your not together.
Chris: That was a hard time, Jo was very cutting in some of the things she said in the papers after that.
MM: I have some of them here actually, here's one from The Sun "Too Stressed to get it up" reads one headline, the one in The Mirror says "30 second Chris used socks to fill out lunchbox" and there is one here from The Times that reads "Pig Head successfully transplanted onto mans body" but I am not sure if that is part of the same story.
Chris: Why have you got those here?
MM: They are just part of the interview.
Chris: Did the others put you up to all this?
MM: What others?
Chris: Dazzie B and Ginge?
MM: No I haven't even interviewed them yet.
Chris: So why do you keep bringing up all this stuff from the past then?
MM: It's all just part of your mad past Chris, that's all. I'm just trying to give our readers a full picture of you. Nothing more.
Chris: Well so far all you have done is make me look like a twat.
MM: Shall we talk about something totally different then?
Chris: Would be nice.
MM: Ok well how about you choose, that way you can't have a go at me.
Chris: We could always talk about when I was in The Bill?
MM: Fucking Hell Chris, you didn't even say a line, why do you think it was this big part?
Chris: No need for that.
MM: Well the way you go on anyone would think you won an award for it.
Chris: Well the Director said he was impressed we only needed one take.
MM: How hard is it to pick a bag up off the floor and hand it to the main mugger before you all run off down an alley?
Chris: Sly Stallone once took 73 takes during one scene of Rocky.
MM: Chris it's not quite the same is it.
Chris: Your not a nice man are you.
MM: I just thought from reading your background you were quite the rock and roll star, but it turns out your just like the other two.
Chris: I'm a star in Thiland.
MM: Yeah off your mates songs.
Chris: I was part of the band I have every right to make money from those songs.
MM: Not if you don't pay the royalties to the actual songwriters you don't.
Chris: Ah they won't care.
MM: Really? Well maybe we can turn our attention to the lawsuit that I can now hand you about the up and coming court case of Dazzie B and The Ginge Verses Chris Howe over monies not paid for use of their material.
Chris: Well they never let me write any of the tracks, what do they expect?
MM: Let's face it Chris your songwriting was dire.
Chris: We will never know now will we.
MM: Chris, Come On Then Was a song about you failing to clear up dog shit in a park.
Chris: It was a hit though.
MM: No one knew what it really was about.
Chris: I can't believe the lads are going to go through with this. After everything we have been through together.
MM: Well they have and they will.
Chris: You think you know people. I came all the way back here to help these two out with this comeback and this is how they repay me. How can two people be so cruel?
MM: Do you think this will lead to you leaving the band again?
Chris: No chance I love those guys.
MM: Chris your an odd man. Thank you for your time.
Chris: Pleasure.
MM: Err yeah.