NICK KHANNA IS
THE DEBT COLLECTOR
IN THE UNDERWORLD OF BASINGSTOKE THERE IS A MAN WHO LEADS A DOUBLE LIFE. USING HIS SKILLS AS THE WHITE HART SECRETARY HE ROAMS THE UNDERWORLD. COLLECTING UNPAID DEALS FOR GANSTERS WHO DON'T WANT TO GET THEIR HANDS DIRTY. A MAN TO BE FEARED,  MAN NOT AFRAID TO OVER STEP THE MARK. THINKING OF NOT PAYING YOUR SUB'S? THINK AGAIN.

IF YOU HAVE A DEBT AND IF YOU CAN FIND HIM MAYBE YOU CAN HIRE........................ THE DEBT COLLECTOR.
Today's case: THE SCENTED CROTCH.
WELL IT SEEMS YOU HAVE FOUND ME, COME IN. JUST CALL ME THE DEBT COLLECTOR. THAT IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW. SO WHAT DO I CALL YOU? Mrs FRANKS, OK. WELL TAKE A SEAT AND TELL ME HOW I CAN HELP YOU.
IT'S MY 14 YEAR OLD SON. HE BORROWED 10 OFF ME A MONTH AGO AND HAS YET TO PAY IT BACK. AND I WANT IT BACK.
AH A DOMESTIC, ALWAYS THE WORST. WELL I WARN YOU NOW THESE CAN GET VERY MESSY. YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED. I MAY FIND OUT THINGS YOU MAY NOT WISH TO KNOW ALONG THE WAY. IF ONLY PEOPLE THOUGHT IT THROUGH BEFORE LENDING THEIR KIDS MONEY. ALWAYS LEARN THE LESSON TO LATE. IN FACT IT REMINDS ME OF A CASE I WORKED ON NOT SO LONG AGO. IT'S A CASE I LIKE TO CALL....THE TWISTED SCREW.

IT ALL STARTED WHEN A MOTHER MUCH LIKE YOURSELF FOUND ME WANTING LIKE YOU FOR ME TO COLLECT MONEY SHE HAD LENT HER SON. THE SUM WAS 8. THE SON, A 12 YEAR OLD, HAD PROMISED TO GIVE IT BACK AND HAD FAILED TO. SHE WAS AT A DEAD END AND NEEDED A PRO ON THE CASE, WHICH IS WHY SHE HUNTED ME DOWN. SO AFTER GIVING ME THE INFO I NEEDED, I WENT ABOUT STARTING WORK. THIS WAS NOT GOING TO BE EASY. I STARTED MY WORK BY MONITORING THE BOYS MOVEMENTS. TO DO THIS I HAD TO START WORKING IN THE TUCK SHOP AT THE BOYS SCHOOL. THE IDEA OF THIS WAS TO MONITOR HOW MUCH MONEY THIS KID HAD. AS I TELL ALL MY CLIENTS, IF THEY AINT GOT THE MONEY YOU AINT GONNA GET IT BACK.  I WORKED THEIR FOR A WEEK SELLING WAGON WHEEL'S, CRISPS AND SWEETS TO THE KIDS. I EVEN TRIED TO ENCOURAGE HEALTHY EATING DURING MY TIME THERE BY INTRODUCING THE NEW GO-AHEAD RANGE FROM McVITIE BUT THEY HAD NON OF IT. BUT THROUGH OUT THE WEEK THE LAD NEVER CAME IN ONCE. SO I HAD TO TRY SOMETHING ELSE. SO I STARTED WORK IN THE LOCAL NEWSAGENTS TO SEE IF HE WAS SPENDING HIS MONEY THERE. AND I WAS RIGHT. WITHIN A WEEK HE HAD SPENT OVER 20 ON THINGS LIKE BREAD AND MILK. TINNED FOOD AND TOILETRIES. WELL I WAITED UNTIL THE END OF THE WEEK UNTIL I WAS TO MAKE MY MOVE. FRIDAY CAME AND AS USUAL THE LAD CAME IN AND PICKED UP A BASKET THAT WAS BY THE COUNTER, HE THEN WENT ABOUT HIS BUSINESS OF BUYING THESE GROCERIES. SAME PATTERN AS BEFORE. SO I WAITED FOR HIM BY THE FRESH BREAD. AS THE BOY WAS ABOUT TO TAKE HIS USUAL PACKET OF BREAD AND CONFRONTED HIM. WHEN ASKED ABOUT THE LOAN HE INSISTED THAT IT WAS MONEY FOR THE WEEKLY SHOPPING. BUT I HAVE BEEN IN THIS JOB FOR FAR TOO LONG AND HAD HEARD IT ALL BEFORE. IT WAS CLEAR THE LAD WAS NOT GOING TO BUDGE SO I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO PICK THE LAD UP, HOLD HIM UPSIDE DOWN AND SHAKE HIM UNTIL ALL THE MONEY HE HAD IN HIS POCKETS FELL OUT AND LANDED ON THE FLOOR. SURE ENOUGH THE AMOUNT WAS 8. THE MONEY WAS RETURNED TO HIS MOTHER AND SHE WAS ABLE TO GO BACK TO ENJOYING HER ONE LITTLE LUXURY OF VODKA, IN FACT SHE USED TO ENJOY ABOUT A BOTTLE A NIGHT, BUT LIFE WOULD BE DULL WITHOUT LIFE PLEASURES.

A HARROWING TALE I'M SURE YOU WILL AGREE. I WILL TAKE YOUR CASE Mrs. FRANKS. BUT PLEASE PREPARE FOR THE WORST.................
IT'S CRUEL WORLD.