Dave's Dodgy Archive Page
Dave Brown's Bargin Basement
"GOT ANY SPARE CHANGE MATE"
EXCUSE ME MATE, HAVE YOU GOT A LIGHT, YOU DON'T AH WELL TODAY IS YOUR LUCKY DAY THEN GUV CAUSE I HAVE THE DEAL OF A LIFETIME HERE. LOOK AT THIS 5 LIGHTERS FOR ONLY A POUND. YOU DON'T SMOKE YOU SAY WELL, WHAT DOES THAT MATTER. I MEAN YOUR BOUND TO KNOW SOMEONE WHO DOES. AND IF NO ONE DOES ASK YOU WELL THERE GREAT STOCKING FILLERS FOR THE KIDS AINT THEY, THEY LOVE ALL THAT DON'T THEY. NO I AINT IMPLYING THAT YOUR KIDS SMOKE GUV, ALL I WAS SAYING WAS....OH NOW COME ON SIR COME BACK. ERE LOOK TALKING OF KIDS GUV WHAT ABOUT THESE SANTA HATS EH. EVERY KID WANTS ONE AND I'M RUNNING OUT FAST MATE. HOW MANY KIDS YOU GOT? TWO RIGHT OK. WELL HOW ABOUT BUY TWO GET ONE FREE. YEAH I KNOW YOU ONLY NEED TWO GUV BUT YOU GET ONE FREE. LOOK TAKE THEM GUV THERE YOU GO. THAT WILL BE TWO POUNDS. NO PLEASE GUV I DON'T WANT THE THRID ONE, IT'S FREE FOR YOU. OH LOOK I WILL LEVEL WITH YOU. I AINT SHIFTING THESE TO WELL TODAY AND MY GUV SAID HE WILL KICK TEN LUMPS OF SHIT OUT OF ME IF I AINT GOT RID OF THEM BY THE END OF TODAY, SO PLEASE GUV FOR ME TAKE THE THIRD ONE......DON'T SUPPOSE THERE IS ANY CHANCE OF A TIP IS THERE. I AINT EATEN FOR A FEW DAYS NOW....NO NEED TO BE LIKE THAT IS THERE, YEAH AND A BLOODY HAPPY XMAS TO YOU TO YOU TOSS FACE. PEOPLE TODAY HONESTLY. I USED TO HAVE MY OWN SHOP.....

MADAM I CAN I JUST STOP YOU FOR A SECOND. YEAH IT WON'T TAKE LONG. ONLY I COULDN'T LET YOU GO BY WITHOUT INVOLVING YOU IN THE DEAL OF THIS XMAS. NOW YOU GOT ANY GRANDKIDS MY LOVE. FOUR BLIMEY IT IS MY LUCKY DAY, I MEAN YOUR LUCKY DAY. NOW BET THEY LOVE XMAS DON'T THEY MY LOVE, COMING OVER TO YOURS THAT DAY ARE THEY? BET THEIR LITTLE FACES LIGHT UP WHEN THEY OPEN THEIR PRESENTS DON'T THEY? DO YOU ALL GET DRESSED UP FOR THE DAY? BET YOU LOOK CRACKING MY LOVE. IF I WAS A FEW YEARS OLDER I TELL YA...ANYWAY WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO BRING A BIT MORE XMAS SPIRIT TO YOUR DAY? NO NOT SHERRY MY LOVE. SANTA HATS EH. WHAT DO YOU THINK. I CAN SEE IT NOW. THE LITTLE NIPPERS COME IN AND YOU PRESENT THEM WITH THEIR HATS FOR THE DAY EH. BET THEY WOULD LOVE THAT. SO LOOK TELL YA WHAT I'LL DO HOW ABOUT BUY FOUR GET ONE FREE, ONLY EIGHT POUNDS TO YOU, WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY WON'T WANT THEM. IT'S XMAS FOR GOD'S SAKE. WELL IF YOU ALL WANT TO SIT AROUND AND ACT LIKE IT'S JUST ANOTHER DAY SO BE IT. WHAT'S THAT, YOUR GRAND KIDS ARE OVER 15. WELL YEAH OK MAYBE THEY ARE A BIT TO OLD FOR THESE HATS THEN, FAIR POINT MY DEAR. TELL YA WHAT THOUGH. BET THEY STARTED SMOKING THOUGHT AINT THEY. AND IT MUST BE YOUR LUCKY DAY MY SWEET CAUSE I'M ALSO KNOCKING OUT THESE LIGHTERS. FIVE FOR A POUND. NO MY LOVE IT AINT IMPLYING YOUR GRANDKIDS ARE HOOLIGANS. I WAS JUST SAYING. ALL THE KIDS DO IT THESE DAYS DON'T THEY. COME ON DON'T TAKE IT LIKE THAT, OK WALK OFF THEN SOD YA. HOPE YOUR XMAS DINNER BURNS YOU SMELLY OLD BAG....JUST TRYING TO EARN A LIVING YOU OLD TART.....BLOODY PEOPLE NO RESPECT