Monster Monster Page
It's saturday night and you are stuck in with no money to go out with. What are your options. Well just the TV really. So what is there that is on that will keep you happy. Well unless you are into talent shows, detective or hospital programmes you are going to be bored stupid until that magic 10:30pm slot and Match of the Day. So are these programmes really that bad. Bloody right they are. And the worse one of the lot......"Star for a Night". How the hell did that get on the TV. From what I can make of it this is a show where a load of club singers come together to annoy the public. Only trouble is so many people tune into this crap week after week and enjoy it. Oh god it does my head in. The whole thing is hosted by that bird from The Cruise, Jane MacDonald. How the hell is she famous. She can't sing, she has no talent, there is nothing about her that stands her out from the rest other than her waist. I am all for this "everyone will be famous for 15 mins" thing, but I think she is taking the piss now. And she has brought out a CD. Who the hell would want to listen to her, "As soon as I get in I am going to run a hot bath, sort myself out a beer, get in the bath, relax and listen to my Jane MacDonald CD"....NO it just doesn't happen. Yet somewhere in this world there are people who buy it. WHY. All the songs are cover versions and sung by someone who sounds more like an out of tune goose.
So the show is off to a bad start straight away. But no talent show is complete without the "expert" panel who make their clever comments about each act. So you would think that they would have really talented people on this panel. People who have been there and done that, ones that will be able to offer advise only they could give with their welth of knowledge. So this show gives us Barbara Windsor and some camp bloke who no one has ever heard of. Shit my remote has broken, please don't say I am going to have to watch this pants. NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Bloody Barbara Windsor. Her of Carry On fame and EastEnders. That is it. She played the same role in all the Carry On films, dumb bird with big tits, type cast or what. And now and then you can see her slip back into that role when she is playing Peggie. But that is it. The only other thing she is famous for is shagging loads of gangsters......
And the Camp bloke, well I have never heard of him before, but going on the crap that comes out of his mouth, I doubt he is a man in the know.......
So we come to the contestants. And Oh great they are even worse. Just when you think the show can't go down hill anymore it does. All of them bar none are club singers who think they have a bit of what it takes to be the next big thing. Who the hell told them that. And why the hell do they believe it. Your telling me they have heard a tape of themselves and thought "tell ya what I aint bad at all". So on they come and do a cover version, well come on you don't think they had the talent to write their own do you. And more often than not it is total crap, and what ever song they are singing they kill, right there and then. The crowd go mad at the end and the panel tell them they might have a future in the business. WHAT. You are either lying or you really believe it, and if you do really believe it then I give up. "well I sugest what you do is take your tape to a record company and make them listen to it, sing live for them and I can see a bright future for you".........I sugest you take the tape....and shove it up your arse. And the worse offenders are when they have someone who is under the age of 16 on their. Whether they are good or not they get a standing ovation. The panel talk them up as if they are about to have a number one hit and we are all led to believe that this is a star in the making. The programme ends and we never hear from them again.
Let's face it these programmes should be taken off the air now. If I want to go and watch this sort of talent I will go to Butlins or something. That is all these people are, bloody Red Coats. And who is the most famous Red Coat of them all.....Shane Ritchie...I rest my case. And if you turn over at the time that this is all going on, you will find Stars in their Eyes, and some Karaoke show in Channel5...........God I have to get out more......

MONSTER MONSTER