New season,  New rants
The Monster is back, and no doubt there will be plenty for me to moan about. As usual no punches will be pulled, and no prisoners will be taken.
But the question is, have I become more mellow a year on???? Not a chance.
So what has got The Monster going again so badly that he has had to bring back this page. Well it can only be one person after having his classic book in The Mirror all week. Yes it's Mr Jaap Stam.

Oh where to start. It just seems this prat has no idea what he is going on about. The first thing that has struck me is that this is his life story, yet most of the book seems to be him having a dig at other people and players. Has his life been that boring that he runs out of amusing japes about his life by page 10? But it is his comments about others that have got me going, so lets start at the beginning.

Day One: Fergie tapped me up.

No nothing to do with tap dancing classes (although I hear the rumours are true). Jaap decided that now was the time to tell the world about how his current manager had approached him illegally while he was a player at PSV in Holland. "Fergie met me in a hotel room, we had to keep it quiet, he walked in and told me he wanted me to play in the defence and win him the Champions League". Just how thick are you Jaap. Like Fergie is just going to just let that go. What did the idiot think that FIFA and the FA were just gonna let that go. So now both the player & manager are in trouble. And of course PSV were unaware of this and now want answers.
Well ok maybe one slip of the tounge per book.............IF ONLY.
Day Two: Vieira is Stupid.
At first I thought this would be Jaap having a go at Paddy for not joining ManUre during the summer, but I was soon to find out that Jaap had better words of wisedom for us. He claims that Vieira was stupid for picking up so many cards and playing "on the edge". Although admitting that he was a good player Jaap could not help but call him stupid. "If he wants to be known as a great player then he should not be so stupid". Ah sorry Stam but do you not play in the same team as Roy Keane? What about him? If you really want to talk about "stupid" players, how about giving away a needless penalty in the Charity Shield? Only you don't have the bottle to say anything against Keane do you..........
Day Three: Owen is over rated.
Now Jaap may have had a point here, but as I read on I found that he didn't. He had almost stumbled on something. Jaap claimed in his wonderful look, that Owen had a bad first touch and that his game consisted of beating players for pace. Jaap went on to say that most defenders had now sussed him out and were standing off him to give them the advantage. Well yeah Stam sounds great and does make sense, only I net you were wishing that you had not said any of it as Owen left you on your arse to go on and score in the Charity Shield. The other thing that gets me about his comments about Owen are that he is talking as if he is some world class defender. Well he isn't, and I don't think there is a forward left in the Premiership who has not left Stam for dead at some stage or another. Maybe you should stand off them more Jaap.
Day Three: Who is David Pleat.
Fair question really, but again it's his comments that make you wonder who Stam think he is. Jaap's problem with Pleat was that he had been making comments about Stam's performaces in the world cup, saying that he was not the player everyone thought he was. (you mean Pleat got something right???) Jaap's amusing get back was to claim that he had never heard of Pleat. But Jaap also brought Alan Hansen into this moan. Jaap said that Hansen had no idea about modern defending.
"Hansen should shut up having a go at players, when the game he used to play was a lot slower, he would never survive in the modern game. The players at ManUre don't care what he says. Hansen should shut up critisizing players". Ah Jaap it's his job, he's employed to give his analasis on games. If you and the rest of the ManUre players don't care what he says, what is your problem. Maybe you should go round his house one day and compare your medal collections. Hansen knows more about that game than clearly you do. Just get back to practising standing off players.
Day Three: Taibi the worst keeper.
It seems Jaap had a lot to say on day three. This outburst is about ex ManUre keeper Massimo Taibi, the keeper who famously let in "that" goal against Southampton. Now Stam is correct in everything he says about the keeper saying "none of us had ever heard of him when he came, and he was never good enough. Letting in that goal through his legs was the last straw, he was the worst keeper I have ever played with". Now fair enough, but the thing that got me going was I read this after I had read his comments about Hansen and Pleat. This was made all the worse when I read a line from Jip Jaap that read "I would never slag off a player, it is cheap and pathetic". 
So what was your comments about Vieira, Owen, and Taibi all about? Not only that you have a go at Hansen's abilities when he was a player. Stam is a first. He has managed what most of us would think unthinkable. He has replaced Beckham as the stupidist player not only in a ManUre shirt but in the Premiership. I bet whoever wrote the book on his behalf was pissing his pants when he was reading what he had to put down. No doubt Jaap will not see anything wrong in any of this. Mind you he proberly does not see past the cornflake packet in the mornings.

Jaap Stam is an average defender who plays in teams that make him look good. He was no one before he joined ManUre. In fact not many people even really knew who he was. He plays in a Dutch national team that are so
they can afford to carry him, and usually do. As I have said, at some stage or another he had been beaten easily by pretty much every forward in the premiership, let alone europe. He claims other players are stupid. Well it's not like we have seen Stam running after ref's veins bursting out of his neck everytime a decision goes against him is it. Jaap never get's booked for stupid challanges does he. Of course not Jaap would never be so stupid. Just stupid enough to let the world know that he was approached against FIFA rules to join ManUre, leaving his manager and club facing an enquiry. Just stupid enough to slag players of who then make him look stupid in the first game of the season. But isn't slagging players off cheap and pathetic Jaap, or do you have your own rules? I suppose we should have seen it coming really. Just looking at his face you can tell no one is in.

Well that's that off my chest, what's next..................?
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